Time has taken a toll on us, kids. Whether we like it or not, the longer we remain on the planet the older our bodies and minds become. With each passing year, we gain more knowledge, experience, and socialization. But, what happens to the child we once were? It still dwells within us. Most adults aren’t entirely aware of this or even repress this part of themselves.
The fact is a majority of so-called adults are not indeed adults at all. We age, take on responsibility, and call it “adulting.” But, according to Dr. Stephen Diamond, psychologically speaking, true adulthood hinges on acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for loving and parenting one’s own inner child.
So, why don’t we do this? Well, because we weren’t taught to do so. Even as a child, society tells us to “grow up” and put childish things aside. A child’s desire to love, play, explore, and imagine is supremely undervalued compared to their ability to listen, perform, and conform. So as time passes we learn to develop those qualities, and mute those of our inner child, until they fade away altogether.
Despite what society tells us, childlike wonder, joy, and innocence can not only make our adult selves more effective but can improve our quality of life altogether. Our inner child is what motivates us to learn, question, and discover. It ignites our creativity and elevates our problem-solving skills. It allows us to love unconditionally and build meaningful relationships.
If we continue to neglect it, our inner child will lash out when we lose control. Have you ever seen an adult man or woman having a fit? Yuck! This is what happens when we refuse to parent our own inner child. The wounded kid within you feels anxious, insecure, and lonely. It will try to get attention when it has the chance.
To become adults by psychological means rather than chronological, we must first become conscious of our inner child. We need to take our inner child seriously. Listen to how that little boy or girl feels and act appropriately. The often frustrated primal needs of the inner child – love, acceptance, protection, and understanding – are the same needs we have today. But, even as self-proclaimed adults we look to others to fulfill these needs for us, like we once did with our parents, resulting in disappointment. Instead, seek to satisfy these needs for yourself.
Give your inner child exactly what a good parent gives their flesh-and-blood child – discipline, limits, boundaries, structure along with support and nurturance. Maintaining a healthy relationship between your adult brain and inner child will help you become your most effective self.
I know. This idea is abstract and can be daunting. How can you be both the parent and the child? To put it simply, the child in yourself represents freedom and creativity, while the parent represents structure and hard work. We need to balance these forces within us.
Finding this balance could be as simple as planning structured and unstructured time. Some for your mind to wonder, for you body to play, and to let your creativity flow. And, separate time for you to get tasks done. It’s self-care, but not the face mask and wine drinking kind. It’s the kind that puts no boundaries on your brain. Some might play music and let their body just move in any funky way it feels. You could get a blank piece of paper and see what your hand draws. I like to hike, letting my legs skip, run, and jump as they please and my brain create stories about whose traveled there before me.
Embracing your inner child is a learning process. It will always require work, just like parenting. Start to deconstruct and reevaluate your habits. You may find that with an opened perspective you will approach life differently. You may ask more questions and say what you’re thinking more often. Love and trust easier. Laugh and be silly more frequently. You inner child could help you become your full, authentic self.
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